the Man

So what is my story?

Grew up in Western New York (the Buffalo-ish area) where soft drinks are “pop” and every potluck has beef on weck. Eventually went cross-state to get a piece of paper at a school located in the so-called Capital DistrictSteve at Fort Drum where I also started playing soldier. After four years of pretending to be a soldier they pinned me some metal and handed me a piece of paper so I could start pretending to be an officer. My school also gave me a piece of paper so I could start pretending to be an engineer.

The government hired me and sent me to Orlando to get another piece of paper so I could pretend to power a Navy nuclear sub. Then the Army sent me to Maryland to get another piece of paper and more metal so I could pretend to be a better officer. Not having enough paper, I decided to get more Tami in a cute hatpaper so I could pretend I know information technology… all the while only pretending to be on campus. During this time the Army pretended to send me to Iraq, instead sending me to Watertown where I got more metal and paper (and anthrax and smallpox). I was clever enough to get married several months before pretending to go to Iraq because life just wasn’t stressful enough – the pastor presented me with my beautiful bride, and another piece of paper.

Ultimately I got an honorable piece of paper so I could stop pretending to be a soldier. I got another piece of school paper so I could stop pretending to be on campus. I remain in the so-called Capital District where I spend much of my time plotting my takeover of the planet.


Steve in the RockiesSomething important you should know about me is that I am a Christ-follower… that is, I attempt in my pathetic-ness to be like Christ. You might ask me why then, if it’s so important, is this section not given its own page on my site. I don’t see my faith as being a merely a snippet, but rather should be permeating me as a whole. Most folks from the outside would label me as an Evangelical Christian… who also happens to do church in jeans, plays hymns on an overdriven electric guitar, and afterwards ponders the greater theological points of life over a round of ale at the pub next door with my fellow Christ-followers.

“If self-righteousness were an art form, many Protestants’ work would be in the Guggenheim!” ~ Brad Stine

Some people are bothered that I follow Christ, so I just pretend they don’t have serious childhood issues involving a fat nun and a ruler. Some Christians are bothered that I talk theology over an ale, Steve playing guitar in churchso I just pretend they aren’t oblivious to the rich Christ-following history of such theological giants as C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien. Some science-types are bothered that I believe in intelligent design, so I just pretend their kool-aid didn’t blind them to the evidence that gradualism is not validated by the fossil record, punctuated equilibrium has no mechanism that works, astro-physically the odds of our planet are less than one in 1×10^10^120, the multiverse is no more a testable theory than theism, and a mysterious “ordering force” counts as “supernatural”. Some Christians are bothered that I think the universe is 14 billion years old, so I just pretend that indeed the speed of light is variable, the second law of thermodynamics started abruptly, the period after Noah’s flood was marked by a fantastically accelerated speciation, and the whole of science can be explained on a flannel graph.

Personal Trivia

The following are unique tidbits about me that will either impress you, scare you, or repulse you… which are inevitably intended responses:

  • I can say the alphabet backwards as fast as you can say it forwards
  • I can say the NATO phonetic alphabet backwards as fast as you can say it forwards (if you can say it forwards)
  • I have been to Siberia
  • I wrote a trojan horse and put it on my high school’s computers when I graduated as a sort of reverse-graduation gift
  • I can recite the books of the Bible in order in less than 20 seconds
  • I once, unintentionally, commenced the shutdown of two operating nuclear reactors
  • I helped create graphics for Pocket Grandmaster, an award-winning chess program
  • I have immersed my entire hand, up to the wrist, in a beaker of mercury (some claim this explains a lot)
  • I created a Doom 2 deathmatch level that was published in a compilation and commercially sold
  • I was born on Independence Day (US)
  • Facebook :: My Facebook profile… and yet another profile to have to maintain.
  • Flickr :: My Flickr gallery in all its flickr-ness.
  • LinkedIn :: My profile on LinkedIn, a social networking site for career professionals.
  • Negative99 :: My blog and ranting venue of choice.
  • Twitter :: Follow my “tweets” on Twitter if you just can’t get enough of me (and then call a doctor).
  • Wishlist :: Various sundries on that I covet.