So what is my story?
Grew up in Western New York (the Buffalo-ish area) where soft drinks are “pop” and every potluck has beef on weck. Eventually went cross-state to get a piece of paper at a school located in the so-called Capital District
where I also started playing soldier. After four years of pretending to be a soldier they pinned me some metal and handed me a piece of paper so I could start pretending to be an officer. My school also gave me a piece of paper so I could start pretending to be an engineer.
The government hired me and sent me to Orlando to get another piece of paper so I could pretend to power a Navy nuclear sub. Then the Army sent me to Maryland to get another piece of paper and more metal so I could pretend to be a better officer. Not having enough paper, I decided to get more 
paper so I could pretend I know information technology… all the while only pretending to be on campus. During this time the Army pretended to send me to Iraq, instead sending me to Watertown where I got more metal and paper (and anthrax and smallpox). I was clever enough to get married several months before pretending to go to Iraq because life just wasn’t stressful enough – the pastor presented me with my beautiful bride, and another piece of paper.
Ultimately I got an honorable piece of paper so I could stop pretending to be a soldier. I got another piece of school paper so I could stop pretending to be on campus. I remain in the so-called Capital District where I spend much of my time plotting my takeover of the planet.